Labour, it’s not at all like the movies, dammit.

ARRRRRGH!  ANOTHER DAY OF FALSE LABOUR!  I can’t believe it.  Seriously, my body is like some weird engine that just can’t quite gets the gears to all work at the same time.  Who knew nature could be so haphazard..

In the movies, it’s all so simple.  The lady gets pregnant, spends 9 months shopping, looking fahbulous and feeling like an earth mother.  With lots of crying thrown in, and crazy mood swings.  Then, magically, at 9 months, her waters break in some crazy and exciting way or situation, and she hails a sexy cab driver or partner to whisk her to the hospital, usually in the middle of the day, where she gets on with having a baby as soon as she gets to hospital.

Can I have a Family Fortunes UUUuu-urrrrRRR please?

Real pregnany is a bit different.  You get pregnant after trying for a bit longer than you thought.  Or at least, often it’s not instant.  You spend 9 months worrying if you’re doing it all right, and attempting to look vaguely pregnant and not just fat for the first 7 months, and then look vaguely human and not just blimp like 7 months on.  You get hormonal but in ways you didn’t expect, and then by month 9 you figure you’re nearly there.

Only, you’re not.  You get all the signs – the shows, the cervical plugs dropping out (I’ve lost about 2 now!  Yes, they grow back.. They don’t tell you that in the movies) and you think, ooo, here we go.  Another couple of weeks pass, nothing.  At 39 weeks you’ll probably start to get a false labour or two.  I’ve had four now, but then I am 41.5 weeks now so I suppose I get to have more of a crack at it than most.

My first false labour was for 2 hours, at 38 weeks.  I had painful cramps 10 minutes apart for 2 hours.  They vanished into thin air.  At 40 weeks I spent the whole of the Sunday having painless Braxton Hicks every 20 minutes for TEN HOURS.  They vanished to nothing.  On Wednesday this week just gone (41 weeks) I was up every hour from 1am to 5am with teeth clenching pain.  They vanished to nothing.

Today, I woke at 6am to mild pains, AND contractions.  Ooo, I thought, this is different again.  How interesting.  They got closer – from every 25 mins, to 20 mins, to 15 mins.  I get up, have breakfast, they vanished by 10am.  Returned by midday to the point of having the TENS machine on.  And have found no pattern since.

Why no big WHOOSH of waters, followed by some hilarious incident involving John Travolta?  Why the weeks of am-I-aren’t-I?  ARGH!

I give up.  I really do.  Roll on Induction Day Tuesday!!!

Starfish baby

Went to get my final ultrasound today, to find out how big baby is before induction to check she’s not *too* big for a normal natural delivery.  Turns out she’s fine, 9lbs, give or take a 1lb either side, so looks like we’re on!  Now if I can just jolly her along before the induction date, we could still have our waterbirth!  Well, we can but hope..

Funny thing was, she is 5/5 head down engaged, spine coming up my tummy dead centre, with her arms and legs either side of my tummy, like a great big starfish!  She does crack me up.  That’s what I do in bed when Jake’s away, so perhaps there’s a chip off the old block in her there

Membrane sweeps and induction date

Well, I’m still here, little Nemi didn’t want to put in an appearance on her due date, despite a membrane sweep in the afternoon, and plenty of hoping!  Sadly the membrane sweep didn’t work within 48hrs either, so we had a weekend of just waiting and wondering.  Sunday came and I have Braxton Hicks or possible pre-labour contractions, for 12 hours – 7am to 7pm every 20 minutes, but then they faded to nothing.  Shame – we really thought it was the start of it all.

I’ve been back to the midwife today for my weekly appointment, and she performed another sweep.  Fingers crossed this time.  But, if not, then she also booked in my induction for 6pm on Tuesday 11th November – which is a week tomorrow.

I hope that baby comes before then, as I really wanted to try for a natural birth, and delivery in a water pool.  But hey, whatever is best for baby, and so long as I have a gorgeous healthy daughter at the end of it all then it will all be worth it.